Who is the Protagnist

Sort the mess

2011-03-10T13:55:00.000-08:00

Read a few posts on Renren and douban. Watched an episode of Japanese drama while fancying living in Japan with a fluent level of Ninghongo. Did a test on personality linking to career development. Enjoyed Stef Sun's song. Planning to write an nihongo essay but failed, or actually, being totally strayed away.

This is how I wandered in the time from 18:00pm to 22: 00pm.

Plus, I tried to sort the documents in my E-disk, in the hope for a spick and span status. I discovered, to my amazement, bunches of useful information saved in my disks. But sadly, after I saving them, I never visited them again. So I just laid some docs with priorities for reinforcement effect.

The ability of sorting things is deadly crucial in our life, however, being a little contradictory, life's a mess. Would it that be an adventure to learn the art of sorting things out in mess.

When did I become to hate English

2011-03-08T13:14:00.000-08:00

I must admit every time I sat up reading Stef's blog, word by word, in English, I got inspired and pondered on and on. My English is way much from good, please please never take the high score in IELTS or what other people think good of English as evidence. They are one hundred percent nonsense. Let alone you sometimes take the English essays you wrote for comfort as if the progression works magnificently all its way. I remembered when I was in my junior how this language brought the great joy to me, sparkling in every word. You wrote emails to them who can speak English, though it did looks funny now with a bunch of ridiculous grammar errors which you couldn't believe you made them own. But I bet you at that time you tried really hard to use them and more importantly, you use them to express yourself. Alas, now, English became merely a tool. Nearly four years at university, you seldom read in English literature for pleasure. You take it for granted claiming the utter waste to read something that is not written in your mother tongue. And now you trapped yourself in the situation, you cannot find any decent piece to do your assignment. This is not the worst. For day and day, you limits yourself in the way that you no longer talk to yourself , be emotional or rational. You close yourself in a whirlpool, down and down. But it may not be that worse. The intention for writing up this blog is not blaming for laziness. All passed is past (A good expression gained in the early years of learning English). It's really a bit curious. Since when you lost almost all the interest to learning a new language. Just an hour before, you took one hour to finish a Japanese composition. The toughness, I should say, does not match your years of education at all. I began to wonder, being surprised as always is, whether sort of degradation is occurring in you. After reading the speech given by Adrian Tan shared by Stef. Some of the sentence smacked your face and your soul. Since when you tuned yourself to live according to the boundaries of average people. You analysed many things according to the criteria, whether I can extract any good to you. I like Tan's statement.

"What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate."

Life's a mess. I like the expression. But do not let the mess conquer you or kneel you down. Live as if life is grand enough. For the past few weeks, I was like a funny clown, preparing for a husband and marriage. It's not denying marriage. But I nearly forgot, my love for J is still blossoming in spring. I don't care if you despise or not. I am still in love and appreciate so much from it. This topic can go on and on but I would like to stop here.

Thanks to Stef. She put her grand thoughts in her blog and wrote every word nicely. To a basic step, read more in English and come back now and then to have a talk to yourself. A journey to find yourself.

呀！

2011-02-27T10:08:00.000-08:00

今天找到了遗失好久的筱筱的blog地址。

在她的链接了居然找到了这个博客地址，之前那篇的竟然记于2010年3月份，标题是“我为什么么孤单。”

那么，去年的三月份我也孤单了？我都不记得了。我又孤单了有多久。

只想在这个无人问津的地方，对自己道一声问候。

彻底被例假打败了

2010-03-17T03:03:00.000-07:00

生理痘像花儿一样的开放。
怎么睡都不够，头昏沉沉的爬不起来。还得赶Xin的assignment。

我最近为什么孤单

2010-03-16T07:02:00.000-07:00

J最近总是喜欢在QQ空间里写点小日记，一小段一小段的絮叨，也许没有观众，但是讲得也很认真。
最近思想上过着颠沛流离的生活，大把大把沉默的时光。没有地方给我写博客，Yo2每次上去都像个老奶奶，等姐姐我发上去黄花菜都凉了。
今天天气暖和。来了月经，脚酸得像被戴了镣铐。床单被弄得惨不忍睹。夜里每隔一小时起来，有一个梦魇，平时我会反抗，可我这次实在没有力气了，想算了，你爱上来就上来吧。最后谢天谢地，我还是把眼睛给睁开了。
对了，前天我梦见真人版的植物大战僵尸。每个小组选好各个植物的比例，一共有30个，我们小组的比例似乎是8：3：4 。我捏的是“饺子”，当然已被异化了。我捏了很大一个，这样可能会比较容易砸到僵尸，但是后来似乎不大牢靠。
我觉得我不能再这么孤居下去了。
昨晚做了墨西哥鸡肉卷，Tortillia。
以上陈述没有先后顺序。

What's wrong with me?

2009-10-08T13:17:00.000-07:00

Firstly, I am in UK now. It's natural to write and think in English right? And it's gotta easy to get in this blog without any proxy site.
I don't know what is wrong with me. Something went wrong though everything here appears so fine and thereotically it should be fine. Just I am no longer the person whom I am famarliar with and not expecting to. There is a bloody voice secretly in mind whispering, I am not good at this. And cowardly, I just let it be and do nothing. Then I got more introvent, as thet described. And more dependent on someone else.
Something bizzare is happening, when I arrived here, everthing was new. But he was right there to help us figure out. Everyday, every momet we got disppointed, and sometimes with an unreasonbale childidsh negative emotions. He just took them away, all. Then I felt lost. He is a friend of my friend, he is not directly my friend, intricately. It is strange to talk about this however there is something you can not tell but feel. You cannot get too close to him. IT IS RISKY.
AND I AM ON MY OWN. DEAR THAT IN MIND.

The Second One

2009-08-27T20:37:00.000-07:00

Here comes the second post of my blog. So LATE. For a thousand time I should be ashamed of myself. Why could I say some flowery words without doing them? There are only 19 days left. My chronic holiday, again, comes to an end without any conspicuous fruition, or perhaps I can count the improvement of my facial condition in (But I haven't met any friends recent days upon whom can I know the 'truth.')
I can't foresee the days in UK and am loathsome to. I want to struggle for my future. And I am still expecting something.
Really boring days, nothing special to say..

There we go

2009-08-10T20:21:00.000-07:00

The whole thing is I decided to blog in ENGLISH. I used to remind myself that blogging can keep me thinkin but laziness is always the damn enemy. Im never fed up with 'peeping'others' blogs and see what's goin on in their mind that you can never spot unless they reveal to you willingly. Or just they're whispering to themselves and in the same time they wanna be overheard. This morning I came across Stefanie's blog. She writes in perfectly good English. Having got inspired by her, I embarked on English blogging. Being an English major student, I am unavoidly regarded as someone speaking native English. The truth is disappointing, I am sorry to admit and be with it. I hate myself being a passive person waiting things to change, to better off. Here comes the turning point!! Stefanie, you gotta be my teacher. Ive already learned a lot from you: )I carefully took notes.

And Stefanie was quite right, throw a concert to refresh the memory. Before going to the concert, I hadn't listened to her songs for quite a long time although she is still my favourite pop singer. Somewhere in my heart I thought it was time to say goodbye to Yanzi and my before-20 youth in SH. Nevetheless, my love for Yanzi was re-triggered after singing together with her and tens of thousands of people. Her voice can still soothe me and there deeply help to find a self that I am famaliar with.

As for my NEVER-ENDing topic, it's just like taking the traditional Chinese medcine. You know it would taste bitter that you can never get accustomed to. But tragically you stil have to take it all for sure, in hope for sweet candies coming after to magically get rid of the fucking badness. I mean his cool words are always heart wrenching. But a stubborn girl is stubbronly in grip of spring, of the sparkling fairy-tale-like blissful endings (or maybe beginnings).

Well, well, well, if blogging can keep me thinking then blogging in English can keep me thinking calmly, rationally and differently, HOPEFULLY AH...