Sort the mess

Read a few posts on Renren and douban. Watched an episode of Japanese drama while fancying living in Japan with a fluent level of Ninghongo. Did a test on personality linking to career development. Enjoyed Stef Sun's song. Planning to write an nihongo essay but failed, or actually, being totally strayed away.

This is how I wandered in the time from 18:00pm to 22: 00pm.

Plus, I tried to sort the documents in my E-disk, in the hope for a spick and span status. I discovered, to my amazement, bunches of useful information saved in my disks. But sadly, after I saving them, I never visited them again. So I just laid some docs with priorities for reinforcement effect.

The ability of sorting things is deadly crucial in our life, however, being a little contradictory, life's a mess. Would it that be an adventure to learn the art of sorting things out in mess.

When did I become to hate English

I must admit every time I sat up reading Stef's blog, word by word, in English, I got inspired and pondered on and on. My English is way much from good, please please never take the high score in IELTS or what other people think good of English as evidence. They are one hundred percent nonsense. Let alone you sometimes take the English essays you wrote for comfort as if the progression works magnificently all its way. I remembered when I was in my junior how this language brought the great joy to me, sparkling in every word. You wrote emails to them who can speak English, though it did looks funny now with a bunch of ridiculous grammar errors which you couldn't believe you made them own. But I bet you at that time you tried really hard to use them and more importantly, you use them to express yourself. Alas, now, English became merely a tool. Nearly four years at university, you seldom read in English literature for pleasure. You take it for granted claiming the utter waste to read something that is not written in your mother tongue. And now you trapped yourself in the situation, you cannot find any decent piece to do your assignment. This is not the worst. For day and day, you limits yourself in the way that you no longer talk to yourself , be emotional or rational. You close yourself in a whirlpool, down and down. But it may not be that worse. The intention for writing up this blog is not blaming for laziness. All passed is past (A good expression gained in the early years of learning English). It's really a bit curious. Since when you lost almost all the interest to learning a new language. Just an hour before, you took one hour to finish a Japanese composition. The toughness, I should say, does not match your years of education at all. I began to wonder, being surprised as always is, whether sort of degradation is occurring in you. After reading the speech given by Adrian Tan shared by Stef. Some of the sentence smacked your face and your soul. Since when you tuned yourself to live according to the boundaries of average people. You analysed many things according to the criteria, whether I can extract any good to you. I like Tan's statement.

"What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate."

Life's a mess. I like the expression. But do not let the mess conquer you or kneel you down. Live as if life is grand enough. For the past few weeks, I was like a funny clown, preparing for a husband and marriage. It's not denying marriage. But I nearly forgot, my love for J is still blossoming in spring. I don't care if you despise or not. I am still in love and appreciate so much from it. This topic can go on and on but I would like to stop here.

Thanks to Stef. She put her grand thoughts in her blog and wrote every word nicely. To a basic step, read more in English and come back now and then to have a talk to yourself. A journey to find yourself.